I’m always cautious to post about my own life, because those are the areas that are so much more sensitive – the places where invalidation (or just plain lack of validation) is too hard to make it worth the risk.  But talking about the places where political meets personal is kind of the point, and if I can’t talk the talk when it relates to my own life, I’m not really walking the walk.  So here goes another personal anecdote.

This week in a professional meeting one of my superiors made a comment about an overweight woman that caught me so off guard that I wasn’t even able to put my thoughts together about it until now.

He asked “I wonder what it is she’s trying to hide with her fat.”

I immediately crossed my arms over my stomach and tried to situate myself in such a way that the majority of my midsection would be protected from any passing glances.  I wanted to melt into the wall.  And although I could certainly stand to lose a few pounds, I’m not in any significant health danger or out of control. And I have a lot of privileges because in the grand scheme of things I’m still relatively thin.

Weight sucks.  Maybe some excess weight is occasionally an emotional defense – a physical barrier to protect the individual from the (cruel) world around them.  But sometimes it’s a product of genetics.  Sometimes it’s a product of being an adult with an adult metabolism but the eating and exercise habits of a teenage couch potato.  Sometimes it’s a result of a physical condition (thyroid problems, anyone)?  Sometimes its a product of SES and not being able to afford the foods health magazines suggest or not being able to go to the gym instead of working that extra shift.  And sometimes its just a matter of having better things to do than work out to make my body look like you think it should.

But as much as I tell myself these things, I still wish I was that thin girl I was at 16.  People would rather listen to a thin, beautiful woman talk about how its okay to look however you look than a slightly overweight, average woman say the exact same words.  And so I can rationally say that the woman in question’s weight has nothing to do with anything, and I can sincerely not care if she’s 120 or 220 or 320, but I can’t convince myself that my extra 30 pounds are acceptable.  WTF.

So I didn’t say anything.  And I talked to a colleague of mine afterword who reported she had the same shocked and insulted reaction.  And this man walked away from that meeting thinking he had asked a thought provoking and insightful question.  And he has power over us.

Anyway, it’s just been one of those weeks for me and with Thanksgiving coming up food and weight issues are here to stay though the holidays (my dad once recommended I see a doctor when my teenage metabolism retired and I gained those freshmen fifteen, and my grandmother has been known to poke my stomach and ask “what’s that?” when my mother or partner aren’t there to slap her hand away).  I’d love to hear how you cope with the social double standard regarding women’s weight issues.

I also recommend these posts at Adventures of a Young Feminist and Deeply Problematic on the topic, as well as the BMI project slide show.  They’ve helped me in the past.