In looking for an image to go with the links I posted on sexual assault earlier this week, I came upon these posters.  They are from 2007 class project, and as far as I can tell the campaign no longer exists (you can check out the original link here).  I don’t doubt that the motives here were well-intentioned, but I think that the posters that the students developed are a prime example of how we talk about sexual assault, rape, and domestic violence in our culture.

Myth #1: Rape doesn’t count unless she was a virgin

This poster says “No one has the right to take it by force.”  Reasonably and appropriately, “it” means sex.  However, the imagery here of a bruised and wounded cherry doesn’t imply “it” as sex – cherries are a notorious symbol of virginity.  The poster essentially says “No one has the right to take [your virginity] by force.”  The truth is that no one has the right to demand or force sexual contact ever, regardless of virginity or purity or anything.  Whether a woman* has had sex before or not, even whether she has had sex with the partner demanding sex or not, does not negate her right to say no at any time, for any reason.  Rape and sexual assault have nothing to do with “cherries.”

Truth #1: No one has the right to force sexual contact, under any circumstances

Myth #2: Victims of sexual assault are irreparably damaged

As a graduate student in the field of psychology, I would be about the last person to say that survivors shouldn’t seek help.  However, the image of a shattered plate that needs someone to piece it back together is not a very flattering metaphor for survivors of sexual assault.  Even the use of the word “survivor” rather than “victim” begins to return power and control to the individual.  Survivors need to regain a sense of strength.  The fact of the matter is that no matter what happened, she survived. In fact, many in the field of psychology have begun taking strength based approaches to working with clients, allowing the individual to “own” their own change and recovery.  This is especially important for survivors of rape and abuse.

Truth #2: Survivors have more strength than they know

Myth #3: You need to talk about it to get better.  Now.

Again, I would be the last person to say that assault survivors don’t need help.  However, there are not rules about these things.  Remember that tip above about the survivor taking her power back?  Shaming survivors into seeking services is counterproductive.  First of all, as with any other type of recovery or change, there is nothing that the people around someone (friends, family, therapists) can do if that individual isn’t ready for change to happen.  Many people do find that talking about what happened has a healing effect – but that talking needs to happen on her time frame, not yours.  The best thing that you can do is let her know you’ll be there when she’s ready.

Truth #3: She’ll talk when she’s ready.  Be there, but don’t be forceful.

Myth #4: Victims are too busy defending their abusers to face the facts

This is quite possibly the most victim-blamey poster of them all (although you could probably make a strong argument for each of them to win that prize).  This poster essentially says “We can see you’re messed up, quit making excuses.”  There are lists a mile long of reasons that women stay in abusive relationships, and many of the reasons are understandable.  Just like any other decision one must make, there is a cost-benefit ratio that must be considered, and leaving is much harder than it sounds.  Defending one’s abuser and/or minimizing the abuse are just two of many psychological self-defense mechanisms that may be involved.  Rather than blaming women who stay, we should work towards making it easier for them to leave.

Truth #4: Leaving isn’t easy, and survivors need support to get out of an abusive relationship

*For the purposes of simplicity I’ve used female pronouns throughout this post, but another common myth is that only women can be assaulted.  Men may also be survivors of sexual abuse, assault, rape, and domestic violence and are less likely to come forward for help due to cultural attitudes about “masculinity” and “victimhood.”  Although the post uses female terms, all of these points also apply to males.

I hope that seeing these posters in a new light helps you understand how deeply ingrained our stereotypes about sexual assault victims are – even when trying to help we might imply these blaming, shaming messages.  Think critically about the language and imagery we use in day to day life (whether it be talking about sexual assault only when it happens to “nice girls” or using the word “rape” casually ex. “That test raped me!”).  Be aware of these myths and truths, and educate the people around you when they fall into those traps, too.

As promised, here are the quotes I collected for the body image project I have been working on.  Feel free to add more in the comments if you know of any good ones that I missed.  Also, some of these are repeats of previous quick quotes, so don’t be surprised if you experience a little deja vu here and there.

“More than ever now, I believe it’s so important to look as real and true to life as possible, because nobody’s perfect. I seem to be on a mission, but I don’t want the next generation, your daughters and mine, growing up thinking that you have to be thin to look beautiful in certain clothes. It’s terrifying right now. It’s out of control. It’s beyond out of control.”

- Kate Winslet (shoutouts to Emily at Jukebox Heroines)

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“For me, it might sound cliché, but beauty for me really does start on the inside. It’s like a state of mind, a state of love if you will. Then, whatever you can do on the outside is all like a bonus.”

- Queen Latifah

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“’Real Women Have Curves’ was a breakthrough for me, because it was tailored for who I was at a specific period in time. It said that there are different body types that are beautiful. I think that opened so many doors for me and gave all women a boost of confidence.”

- America Ferrera

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“I was never mocked, and I was always able to defend myself by joking around. But sometimes it has been painful and it has hurt my feelings. I cannot ignore the whole world, but I want to accept the way that I am and I don’t want to change. Life is too short for that!”

- Beth Ditto

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“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see.”

- Gabby Sidibe

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“I’m a size 8, and I feel proud of that because it’s healthy.  I’ve never felt compelled to be a skinny actress.  I think I’m a very attractive person, but that’s not where I get my esteem.  A guy at ABC told me to change my name and get a nose job.  I said, ‘You get a nose job.’”

- Mariska Hargitay

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“In the beginning, it was odd to have so much attention brought to my body type [by Mad Men].  I thought, Uh-oh, brace yourself.  But everyone has been so positive… A woman came up to me at dinner and said, ‘I just want to thank you. Watching you has made me proud of my body.’ I thought, What an amazing thing for someone to say! To make anyone feel good about themselves makes me feel good.”

- Christina Hendricks

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“I used to judge myself so harshly. I think women in their 20s do. You’re hard on your body, you’re hard on yourself. But you start to realize that none of it is really all that important. As long as you’re comfortable, the best parts of yourself come through no matter what.”

- Reese Witherspoon

A friend of mine has been keeping me up to my ears in links, and they’re of quality material so I figured, why not share the wealth?  However, all of this information can be pretty overwhelming, so what can you do?  First, share this information with other people in your lives – and not just the feminists: we know this and how important it is, so pass it on to someone who might not otherwise be thinking about these issues, too.  Secondly, get involved. College campuses usually have student advocacy groups, and communities often have sexual assault and domestic violence shelters that can always use free help.  You can volunteer as a crisis call advocate or get involved in educating the community about rape, sexual assault, domestic violence, and healthy relationships.  You can also contact your local congresspeople and senators and advocate for more attention to be paid to the rape culture that extends to the military.  But most importantly, don’t forget about this a few days after you read the articles.  Empower yourself and others by facing the facts and working towards change.

56% believe some rape victims partly to blame for attack [the independent]

Dr Jan Welch, clinical director at the Haven in Camberwell, south-east London, said: “Unfortunately, women have bought into the idea that sometimes the rape victim is to blame. Under no circumstances is a woman at fault for being raped.  Coping with the emotional trauma of rape or sexual assault is made even harder when the victim is made to feel responsible for what’s happened.”

Violence against women is justified, says pupil study [bbc news]

A study of schoolchildren has found that most of those questioned thought violence towards women was acceptable if there was a reason behind it.  The majority of the pupils said it was justified if the woman had an affair, or if she was late in making the tea.

Myths That Make It Hard To Stop Campus Rape [NPR]

What Lisak found was that students who commit rape on a college campus are pretty much like those rapists in prison. In both groups, many are serial rapists. On college campuses, repeat predators account for 9 out of every 10 rapes.

Women at war: How roles are changing [bbc news]

“You’re supposed to carry your weapon at all times in a combat zone,” she said.  “But I put my weapon down and walked away to smoke a cigarette and that was when I was attacked.”  She was then dragged behind some power generators and raped.  “If I had kept my weapon maybe I would have been able to prevent it,” she says.  “But if I had used it I would probably have ended up in jail.”

Facebook thinks that I should make a baby.  I am not interested in making a baby at this point in my life.  I do not need an internet program to allow me to combine pictures of myself with anyone, partner, friend or celebrity, to pretend that that is what my spawn would look like.  If I wanted to look at pictures of babies on my Facebook page, I would post pictures of babies on my Facebook page.  And it does not matter how many times I report these ads as “offensive,” “irrelevant,” “repetitive,” “uninteresting,” or “other” they KEEP POPPING UP.

DISLIKE.

Does this happen to everyone?  Is this happening to you?  Is this because I am listed as “female” simply because I joined when I was 18 and didn’t know better and now I can’t figure out how to remove my gender information?  Is this because I am listed as “in a relationship” because I am in a relationship and I am lazy and clicking on my partner’s name in the sidebox is just easier than typing in a name?  Is this because I am of prime baby-making age?  Is this because all women want to make babies at all times in their life because it is our sole purpose for existence?  WHY!!!!

This has been building up for weeks.  I actually take great pleasure in disliking ads, even though the feedback probably goes nowhere.  But it has been day after day after day (okay, more like hour after hour after hour) of reporting these irritating, crap baby ads.  AND I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  Also, WHY THIS!!!!–>

Facebook and I are on thin ice.  But I am dependent and won’t leave.  Le sigh.

Utah has a chance to pull its head out of its arches, and at least this bill has been slowed down, but we’re not out of the water yet, folks.  Keep spreading the word about how the Utah House and Senate hope to target women with their proposed anti-miscarriage law.

Utah Anti-Abortion Bill Citing ‘Reckless Act’ Is Withdrawn [The New York Times]

The original bill, which was sent to Gov. Gary R. Herbert, a Republican, for his consideration — and set off a firestorm of anxiety and criticism from abortion rights and women’s advocacy groups around the country — now goes back to the Legislature, neither signed nor vetoed.  The sponsor, Representative Carl D. Wimmer, a Republican, said he had removed a key clause that would have allowed prosecution under Utah’s criminal homicide laws for a “reckless act of the woman” that resulted in death to a fetus. Language will remain, he said, that makes a woman’s “intentional” actions, if resulting in the death of her fetus in an illegal abortion, a felony.

Quick Hit Update: Utah miscarriage criminalization bill withdrawn [feministing]

But don’t be fooled: the new legislation they create could still potentially criminalize women who have miscarriages or illegal abortions, and we can’t let that happen.

Good News: Utah Tones Down Miscarriage Bill. Bad News: It’s Still Murder [jezebel]

All this is in response to a 17-year-old girl who paid someone to beat her into miscarrying — the solution to which, clearly, is to throw her in jail. It apparently hasn’t crossed the legislators’ minds that improving access to safe, legal abortions — by, for instance, removing Utah’s parental-notification law — might prevent girls and women from resorting to such horrific tactics. Or, more likely, Utah still cares more about controlling women than about helping them.

There are some interesting studies floating around out there this week in terms of men and reproductive health.  And to be honest, they’re a little unnerving.  Check out these stories, then hit up some educational sites like Amplify, Scarleteen, Sex, etc. and Planned Parenthood to educate yourself, your partner, and anyone else who’s willing to listen!

Americans stunningly ignorant about birth control [feministe]

29% of men and 32% of women reported knowing “little or nothing about condoms.” 78% of men and 45% of women said the same about birth control pills… And 90% believe they have all the knowledge they need to prevent an unplanned pregnancy.

Rubber Barons: Why Doesn’t Your Boyfriend Know Jack About Contraception? [the sexist]

When Allison’s boyfriend expressed concern with the efficacy of her vaginal ring, she told him all about it. But even between two adults, the subject inspired some awkwardness. “The conversation wasn’t exactly free-flowing,” Allison says. “I’ve been dating since high school, and it feels like the men that I date now have a very similar idea of birth control as the men I dated who were high school students,” says Allison. “They get a preliminary idea in sex ed, and then there’s not really any education after that. Nothing ever changes.”

Would Your Boyfriend Be “Pleased” By Your Surprise Fetus? [the sexist]

Forty-three percent of young men responded that they would be “a little pleased” or “very pleased” by the news; only 20 percent of women answered the same. Men also proved more comfortable with an unplanned pregnancy at an earlier age: Thirty-four percent of men 18-19 said they would be pleased. By the time they reach age 20-24, 42 percent of men said they would be pleased. And over 50 percent of men aged 25-29 would be pleased by the news. Remember: this is only among men who deemed it “important” that a pregnancy not occur at this junction.

Ay yi yi.

Let them eat cake!  No, wait, I mean, let them listen to Cake!  Mmm, cake…  Sorry.  *Ahem.*  If you listen to Cake, you’re probably wondering what they’re doing on a feminist blog.  If you don’t listen to Cake, you’re probably wondering the same thing.  Well, I think it’s time to play a new game I’m going to call Feminist Rorschach, in which we interpret a piece of art, music, film, television, or whatever and try to determine whether it’s feminist… or not.  And why, and in what ways, and so on.  Wanna play?

The song is called Pretty Pink Ribbon off the 2001 album Comfort Eagle.  It wasn’t released as a single and has no official music video, but I found this cool Power Rangers themed video (which is frankly more interesting than staring at the album art for three minutes).  Lyrics after the cut.

My instinct has always led me to believe that the pretty pink ribbon is a reference to a particular part of the female anatomy (c’mon, sticky little kitten?).  I found other interpretations online that the song is about cancer (pink ribbons) or about a girl that’s only as good as her tight little denim.  But I’m going to stick with my interpretation, and argue for the song as a commentary on socialization, social roles and maybe even empowerment, at least potentially.  Whether the pretty pink ribbon is symbolic of the vagina (what a cliche feminist interpretation, huh?) or simply a stereotypical expression of socialized femininity/girliness, the song addresses gender differences between men and women (“Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d end up just like me”).

Let’s get the not-so-good out of the way.  There is some blatant objectification here (“Without your tight little denim / Your virtues would all go unknown”), and some accusations of shallowness (“Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d float down to the sea”), golddigging (“Without the sticky little kitten / Your ticket could never be free”), and so on.   There’s also the limitation of not being able to speak one’s own mind (“Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d say just what you pleased”).  Kind of makes it sound like it’s not so great to be of the female persuasion.

On the other hand, it doesn’t sound like its so great to be a dude in this world, either.  Apparently for those whose “muscles bulge underground” (phallic reference?), there is no escape from personal demons – our culture socializes men to carry their burdens alone.  There is also less hope for healing (“Without the room that you live in / Your cancers would eat through the bone”) and less compassion (“You’d burn all these dying leaves… You would lift this steaming herd / You would kill all the sick ones / You would bury them deep in the earth”).  Here men are expected to carry out the dirty work of facing death, causing death, and cleaning up after death.

To me the song represents the social limitations imposed on those who do/can wear a pretty pink ribbon and those who don’t/cant.  There are benefits in each circumstance (free tickets, expression of virtues, and a sense of peace, hope, and healing for her; an uncensored voice, strength, and the ability to “be tough” for him), and these are not shared across the sexes.  For calling these things out, I as a feminist give the song props.  What do you think?

LYRICS:

Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d end up just like me
Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d float down to the sea
Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d say just what you pleased
Without the sticky little kitten / Your ticket could never be free

Without your tight little denim / Your virtues would all go unknown
Without the room that you live in / Your cancers would eat through the bone
Your muscles would bulge underground / Your demons would all be around
Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d end up just like me

Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d end up just like me
Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d burn all these dying leaves
Without the pretty pink ribbon / You would lift this steaming herd
You would kill all the sick ones / You would bury them deep in the earth

Without the tight little denim/ Your virtues would all go unknown
Without the room that you live in / Your cancers would eat through the bone
Your muscles would bulge underground / Your demons would all be around
Without the pretty pink ribbon / You’d end up just like me

I’m going to put it right out there – I don’t care about sports. When they (okay, more like their cultural followings) aren’t irritating and enraging me, they are just plain boring me. I didn’t watch a minute of the Olympics (but, like my qualms about the SuperBowl, my qualms about the Olympics are fodder for another post). However, the interwebs inform me that I have been missing out on Johnny Weir, a fantastic, controversial, sh*t stirring figure skater who is threatening the masculinity of male professional athletes, commentators, and spectators everywhere. Also, he reminds people of Lady Gaga (another recent pop figure to make everyone feel uncomfortable about sexuality). Apparently that’s funny.

Of course, Johnny Weir is actually friends with Lady Gaga, so he’s probably not too offended here.  He also has a sweet exhibition routine to Poker Face.  But I wouldn’t expect these late night talk show guys to know much of anything about figure skating outside of the Olympics, Lady Gaga, or what is cool anyway.

From Feministing:

You can understand why Johnny Weir makes commentators, even figure skating commentators, so very uncomfortable. He’s an especially elegant skater who wears formfitting and sparkly costumes (yes, even more formfitting and more sparkly than one usually sees in figure skating) and who really emotes on the ice.

How sad is it that this is undeniably true?  Johnny is clearly comfortable with his sexuality, stating “I don’t feel the need to express my sexual being because it’s not part of my sport and it’s private. I can sleep with whomever I choose and it doesn’t affect what I’m doing on the ice, so speculation is speculation.”  The fact that he is not a typical heterosexual male and that he won’t give nervous and bigoted people the excuse to write him off as gay means that he can’t be neatly compartmentalized, and that means he might be like them – or worse, they might be like him.

From Bitch:

In response to two Quebecois commentators who spoke derogatorily of Weir and said he should take a gender test, Weir responded by issuing an awesome statement that touched on identity, free speech, life in the public eye, and the changing acceptance of gender.

You can find the whole clip of Weir’s statement at the Bitch post.  Some highlights from his response: “I’m not somebody to cry about something or to feel weak about something. I felt very defiant when I saw these comments. I felt that it wasn’t… these two men criticizing my skating, it wasn’t them criticizing my… anything. It was them criticizing me as a person. And that was something that really frankly pissed me off more than anything. So I felt like I had to make a comment and statement that I hope more kids cans grow up the same way that I did. That more kids feel the freedom that I feel to be themselves and to express themselves.”

Also, this:  “I think masculinity is what you believe it to be. To me, masculinity…it’s all my perception. And I think I think masculinity and femininity is something that’s very old fashioned. There’s a whole new generation of people that aren’t defined by their sex or their race or who they like to sleep with. I think as a person you know what your values are and what you believe in and that’s the most important things.”

Right on, dude.  We need more Weirs and Gagas in the world.  Maybe 25 years from now gender roles will be nostalgic and obsolete, and we can see all people for who they are instead of where they fall on the masculinity/femininity spectrum and how well that does or does not align with their physiology and sexuality.  I think Weir and Gaga are just ahead of the times.

Just about everyone’s seen a newsreel. Either in an old documentary, or in history class, or spliced into a period movie. But how many of us have heard a newsreel narrated by a woman? I know I never have, but it appears there were some women in the field, after all, and I have proof.

This is an article from the Hartford Courant originally published July 22,1938:

Woman Newsreel Commentator Finds Her Job Thrilling
Good Voice, Excellent Diction Won Job for Sue Read

Being a woman newsreel commentator is an exciting life, according to Sue Read, one of the few women holding such a position. Miss Read in an interview with Edna Gorman of the New York Sun says “I’ve never had a greater thrill from anything I’ve done than to see and hear myself describing some important front-page event, knowing that within four days 28,000,000 people all over the United States and in South America and Canada will be viewing these newsreels.

Miss Read was asked how it is possible to follow a news cameraman into all sorts of adventures and always have the right comments ready to synchronize with the picture as it is taken.

Everyone asks me that question, Miss Read replied. However, newsreels aren’t made that way. “Pictures are taken any place in the world and rushed to the studios, usually by plane. A short script is then prepared by the staff, and this is voiced on the sound track,” she explained.

Another question every one asks Miss Read is: “How do you get a job like that, and how does it happen that even though there are a few girls doing this work, they are almost entirely limited to women’s fashions, while you have been doing horse races and ship sailings and similar news events?”

Well it seems that little Sue Read liked the idea. And being one who doesn’t let grass grow under her feet, she hunted up a man she had met who was somebody important in the business. But the important man only laughed at her. “Run along, child,” he said, “we don’t want any girls in this work.” But, eventually, he gave her a letter of introduction, and although his secretary insisted she was wasting her time, Miss Read got an audition. And they took her on just when they had definitely decided a woman would never, never do!

As for the rest, she has had a thorough training in dramatic expression, and both her diction and her speaking voice are charming.

She is a brunette, with eyes as expressive as her voice and a freshing, sunny smile. She believes that any girl who is planning her career should never limit it by patterning it after some one else. No two careers are alike, she says.

“And don’t believe people who say you must have ‘pull’,” she insists. “Pull can be such a harmful thing. It can get you in long before you are fitted for a place, and then you are let out, and have to start all over again.

Miss Read is a Quaker from Philadelphia, and was educated in Quaker schools. At a very early age she displayed more interest in dramatics than she did in regular school work. After inveigling her parents into letting her go to dramatic classes after school once a week, she was soon devoting all her time to dramatics, with a few special school subjects on the side.

She says she came to New York to study singing and, finding her voice wasn’t great enough for an outstanding vocal career, she made her interpretation the most important part of her singing. Her dramatic training has been of value to her here, so that she is able to give dramatic interpretations which have made her singing of box-office value and which has now landed her the enviable job of feminine news-reel commentator.

Her hobby, at the moment, is tap dancing.

As you can probably tell by the increase in quotes and links lately, the life of a graduate student has been catching up to me this week.  Hopefully I’ll become a more productive contributor to the blogosphere again soon, but until then, check out some of these other recent posts on my girl Gaga.  Some are celebratory, some are critical, and that’s just the way I like it – after all, if we can’t be thoughtful about things, what’s the point?

Lady GaGa Condoms, For When Your Junk Just Has To Look Insane [Celebuzz]

The “Bad Romance” singer is promoting a line of prophylactics created by fashion designer Jeremy Scott in an effort to keep your carnal liaisons safe and, just as importantly, fashionable. The condoms, available through the Proper Attire condom company, will be available in electric-orange, green and pink animal prints (because what could be sexier?), and will come in studded, ribbed and sheer varieties.