This post is a soapbox, but bear with me.  I didn’t hide it behind a cut because it’s not something that I feel like I should hide behind a cut, in my mind, my life, or my blog.  I beseech you to stick with it, it was an important experience for me.

Yesterday I gave a lecture on sex to 250 college students at a college that is 80% LDS (Latter Day Saints aka Mormon).  Then I gave it again to another 250 students.  The night before my lecture I did some feminist reading to pump myself up.  This was apparently a bad idea, as I proceeded to pass the night restlessly, having nightmares about my lecture turning into a riot over abortion.  The class wouldn’t listen to me, and parents of kids from my high school youth group harassed and condemned me.  Whoa.

The lecture itself went fine (both times).  About two thirds of the students attended, and probably only 8-10 got up and left in the midst of the lecture (less than when I gave the same lecture last semester).  A handful stayed after each period, some to challenge what I had said (which is both fair and welcome), and others to shake my hand and thank me for discussing what is here a very (very) taboo subject.

The lecture begins with myths and truths about sexual motivation factors, such as hormones, drugs and alcohol, erotic materials (porn!), attraction to partner, cultural values and meaning, and evolutionary perspectives.  Part two of the lecture targets sex crimes: the differences between sexual assault (umbrella term for many sexual offenses) and rape (specific form of sexual assault).  I discuss prevalence rates, stats about the relationships between victims and rapists (stranger rape vs. date rape, acquaintance rape, marital rape, etc.).  I emphasize that rape is about power and control and their arousing properties, not sexual desire, citing the example that in this state the youngest reported rape victim is 2 months old, the oldest 94 years.  I discuss how to help a survivor, what to say, what not to say, and list campus and community resources.  Then shit hits the fan.

Some people leave when I bring up porn.  Some people leave when I indicate that rape is not a rare crime.  But the real exodus begins when we start discussing sexual orientation as a spectrum rather than a binary system.  I discuss the differences between biological/physical sex and gender identity.  I discuss the differences between sexual identification and sexual orientation or attraction.  I discuss how these constructs don’t always “match.”  Then we experiment with the Kinsey scale, discussing the possible 0-6 ratings of a series of individuals in vignettes (including research findings that suggest greater arousal to gay porn in homophobic versus nonhomophobic straight men – another exodus from the classroom) to illustrate the point that fitting people into boxes isn’t as easy or effective as we’d like.  Next, I ask students to generate a list of factors that they consider to be involved in determining sexual orientation.  What makes someone gay?  What makes someone straight?  I don’t ask students to discuss these ideas out loud, because things get wildly out of hand when this occurs.  Instead, I discuss the evidence for and against elements like environmental, biological, and cultural factors.  I conclude that these research findings suggest that “reparitive therapy” – attempts to cure someone of same sex attraction – is not possible, and does more harm than good: a stance that is supported by numerous professional associations including the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, and National Association of Social Workers.

Is it a perfect lecture?  Certainly not, and I’d give just about anything for the department to let me teach the sex and gender class (which is offered only once every-other year).  But its worth it.  Terrifying at times, but worth it.  And once I’m up there talking about sex, sharing new perspectives, and shaking up taboos I love it.  I love the students that stay after to ask more questions respectfully.  I love the students that shake my hand and thank me for introducing and briefly discussing rape and GLBTQ issues respectfully.  I love that I can create an atmosphere for 50 minutes in which students can feel safe.

But yesterday there was a moment that I didn’t feel safe.  Between the two lectures an older gentleman in the second section approached me about what he heard during the tail end of the first lecture.

“So this is a lecture about being gay, then,” he said.

“Actually, it’s about sexual drives -” I began.

Dude: “Are you gay?”

Me: “- sexual motivations -”

Dude: “Are you gay?”

Me: ” – sex crimes -”

Dude:  “Are you gay?”

Me:  “Will you let me tell you what the lecture is about?”

Dude:  “Will you answer my question?”

By this time other students were trying to get the guy to back off.  “Why does it matter?” they kept asking him.  I held my own – I explained what the lecture was about, that the professor had asked me to present on these topics (Dude: “This is not in the syllabus, you know that?  This is not in the course description,” repeat x10), and that he was not by any means required to stay.  He kept asking if I was gay.  He wanted to know my “angle.”  I wish I had said “Sir, would you feel comfortable answering that question with such interrogation?”  I wish I had said “Sir, can you explain to me how that is relevant?”  Instead I said “I’m currently in a committed relationship -” he has a knowing and disapproving look on his face “-with a male.”  Commence eyes bugging out of said dude’s head.  I continued, “I have never been in a relationship with a woman, but I see no problems with that.”

He concluded that I was an “advocate” (apparently that’s a bad thing?) and proceeded to inform me that this information is not in the textbook (it is) and won’t be on the test (it may) and is not outlined in the syllabus (neither is classical conditioning, Freudian theory, or a multitude of other specific Psych 101 topics), and that he would be leaving.  I thanked him (and thanked god that that was over and I wouldn’t have to put up with him through the next 50 minutes).

Students thanked me after class for this and apologized for their classmate.  I was happy to face off with him – defending my sexual orientation or my beliefs about sexual orientation is something that I rarely have to do and a burden that I will gladly bear when I can in the hopes that others might not have to, even for five minutes.

Was is as bad as my nightmare?  No, it was fabulous.  It was empowering.  It was inspiring.  But it sucktd that that could happen.  It sucks to be bullied by a student.  It sucks to face off with hatred, because it sucks that that kind of hatred exists.