CBS doesn’t want America to think about Choice, so we have to do it virally.  Here are some awesome counterpoints to the anti-choice rhetoric that is being crammed down our throats with Doritos and beer this SuperBowl Sunday, starting with Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards explanation of the meaning of Choice:

For a multitude of reasons I will not be watching the SuperBowl today, but welcome any tips on who the winners and losers in advertising are this year.

I don’t even know where to start with this one, although I will say that none of the lows that advertisers stoop to really surprise me when I’m watching football.

Okay, first, just because I am a woman doesn’t mean that the plethora of stereotypes spewed in the ad apply to me in any way.  Secondly, just because I don’t like those things, doesn’t mean I will like your man-machine.  Yoga and sports cars are not mutually exclusive.

Furthermore, beyond never wanting anything to do with this man-machine, I don’t want anything to do with anyone who does want anything to do with the hypermasculine desperation dripping from this hunk of metal.

I hate football commercials.

Lately I’ve caught a bunch of these Broadview Security commercials, and they kind of make me want to mace the advertising advisers.  But, Current’s Sarah Haskins covers this better than I could hope to.

So, to all of those of you who aren’t white women, enjoy your new year.  For those of you who are white women, COWER IN FEAR or buy a Broadview Security system.  Or, you know, take a self-defense course, join a neighborhood watch, carry a cell phone and/or can of mace, or…

When I saw this commercial, I thought oh, that’s nice, the little girl is the doctor and the little boy is the patient!  How refreshing…

But that would be progressive.  Of course, the little girl is the nurse fetching the patient for the little boy doctor.  I mean, how hard would it be for the little girl to be the doctor and the little boy to be the assistant.

Is it a big deal?  Probably not.  But the messages here about what little girls and little boys can grow up to be isn’t lost on me.

Thanks, Kellog’s.

Because reverse objectification isn’t any better than the status quo.

This ad stinks.

We’ve been over this, people. Girls (and women) play too. We don’t just watch our boyfriends play in amazement.

Even if it weren’t for this commercial, this isn’t the type of game I’d typically choose, but I have certainly known my share of bad@$$ gamer women who destroy male gamers on Halo and other shooter and action games.

Marketers would do well to realize that women are a viable video-game market, and they should try catering to us without the pink and romance and stop insulting our intelligence in male-targeted games.

One thing is for sure: moms are annoying!  They’re always doing irritating and embarrassing things, like trying to “save money” and “look out for their families.”  Just ask the marketers over at AT&T!  They know what’s up!

Exhibit A

Dads are, like, so much cooler than moms.  Hahaha, lactose intolerant.  Good one, dad!

Exhibit B

Plus, she’s always telling me to help out around the house, and when I try to make a buck at our stupid garage sale she blows my deal!

Exhibit C

And then she gives you that stare when you ask for something?  Like, “I’ve told you a million times, and I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed?”  Mom’s are so lame!

Marketers love stereotyping their customers, and AT&T happily targets moms.  I understand that there are probably a lot of moms out there who can identify with this woman’s bratty teens, but this is just one more example of the nagging wife/mother trope that is so overused in media today.  What if instead of playing into the stereotypes, marketers treated their consumers with respect and demonstrated some positive family images?  I’m not asking for Leave It To Beaver, but I am asking for change.

I don’t follow tennis, but you don’t have to to know about the latest sports scandal.  At the Wimbeldon tournament, Serena Williams, in two emotional outbursts, smashed a racket, shouted at a line judge, and was penalized on match point, costing her the game.  And we can’t stop talking about it.

But its not like this is new to the world of tennis.

And what are McEnroe’s consequences?

By now you’ve probably seen one of those irritating kgb commercials for a service that allows you to text that annoying question that you can’t think of the answer to to someone who will find it for you for a dollar.  Aside from the fact that you could just keep your pants on long enough to get to a computer and look it up yourself, and aside from the fact that kgb is the acronym for the USSR’s communist secret police, those ridiculous ads have crossed the line from stupid to offensive.

First, I saw this one.

Then came this one:

And for good measure, lets add a little racism to the mix:

Awesome.  Listen – save your dollar, write your question on a napkin, and look it up yourself.  Maybe look up “How can we end the objectifican of women in the media?” or “How can we eliminate racial stereotypes as a source of humor?” or “How can 99 cents make the world a better place?” or “How can I get these stupid commercials off my tv?”

Once again, the gendered marketing of a food item blows my mind.  Either Klondike bars are for men, or women just aren’t worth advertising to.  Or both.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

So what have we learned here?  That men should be rewarded for being nice to their in-laws, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, and that they deserve ice cream treats for the body-hair removal that is now pushed like its mandatory for women.  Actually, being nice to in-laws and doing the dishes were already mandatory for women, too.

In other words, when a man condescends to women’s work in social, homemaking, or physical appearance domains, they deserve a reward.

Beautiful.  Good thing there are lots of other (tastier) ice cream options in the frozen isle.