Eminem and Rihanna have stirred up quite the controversy with the video for “Love the Way You Lie.”  I happen to be of the opinion that Eminem’s track record of homicidal misogyny prohibits him from ever doing anything that will redeem him or be seen as feminist in some sort of “edgy” way, but others out there have made an argument for the song portraying mutual abuse in a negative light, thereby being a statement against violent relationships.  You be the judge.

Love the Way You Lie (Feministing Group Chat) [feministing]

I think that you’re right to point out that there is nuance to a violent relationship – and that a depiction of a complicated DV situation shouldn’t be criticized out of hand.  That said, I don’t think this particular video does a good job depicting that complexity, and I worry given the intended audience of the video, that it will be taken at face value.

Love “The Way You Lie”? Maybe [amplify]

Many can’t get past the fact that the song is by Eminem, known for violent and homophobic lyrics… [Y]ou can hardly blame those who aren’t ready to forgive a guy who has threatened in song to murder his ex-wife AND his mother  - why is THIS threat to murder a woman somehow different?

I HATE I Love The Way You Lie [tiger beatdown]

I can’t even believe I have to say this, but a music video about Intimate Partner Violence shouldn’t be sexy. Which this video is, in places. This video is so very close to PROMOTING the thing it is supposed to be preventing. We have Eminem, who is singing about his relationship with his ex-wife. And we have Rihanna, whose only lines seem to be about STAYING in an abusive relationship, not getting the f*** out.

Megan Fox is pretty controversial among feminist blogs.  Sometimes she says (and does) really stupid, stereotyped, sexpot things, and to say the least that is often perceived as taking the easy way out.  I mean, I’m sure that it’s really hard to fight the good fight in Hollywood, and Megan is gorgeous – she usually seems to be taking the course of least resistance in posing provocatively for lad-mags, taking non-progressive roles in non-progressive films, and saying bimbo stuff that women are apparently supposed to say for/in these roles.

But then she turns around and does some really cool stuff.  Like Jennifer’s Body – like it or not, Jennifer’s Body was a really different type of horror/comedy film.  Not to mention how awesome working with Diablo Cody must have been (haters gonna hate).  Well, now she’s done it again.  Which is to say, she’s done something really icky and paired it up with something really cool.

Megan Fox is starring (alongside LOST’s Charlie) in Eminem’s new music video.  The one with the song featuring Rihanna.  The one about an abusive relationship.  Yeah, that’s uncomfortable.  She plays Charlie’s lover (good one Charlie, guess Drive Shaft is making a comeback), then they fight, then they do it again – or so I’ve heard.  Anyway, the song sounds like a desperate attempt at stirring up more controversy and leaking misogyny into the mainstream in some sort of “ironic” way or something, what with the incorporation of Rihanna and all (tasteful, right?).  And Eminem has a history of that sort of thing.

So how in the world could Megan Fox miraculously turn anything in this situation into something remotely admirable?  She donated the money that she made from appearing in the video to Sojourn, a L.A. shelter for battered women and their families.

Wait… What?

So, appear in a video about a dysfunctional relationship for a song about an abusive relationship with an out-and-proud misogynist capitalizing on the public’s awareness of the violence perpetrated against a young star… And give the money to an organization aimed at fighting all of the above.  It’s kind of like pouring gasoline on a fire, then donating your paycheck from the gas station to the fire department.  Hmm…  So what do you think: is this something to applaud and be excited about, or not nearly a big enough move to cancel out every other factor in the situation?

From E! via Jezebel.

I’m still pretty enthralled with Stieg Larsson’s Girl trilogy, and almost through the final book.  Sadly, the second film isn’t going to be shown anywhere near where I live until the end of August, so I’ll probably end up reviewing the final two books before I get to the second film.  In the mean time, there are plenty of other bloggers out there writing some great stuff about the series.

(Beware of spoilers for the first and second books if you haven’t read them yet.)

Why “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” Is So Important [Women Undefined]

Yet what on the surface seems to be an entertaining but purely aesthetic read offering little to no intellectual exercise, there is a gripping examination of gender equality and discrimination in Sweden (by extent Western society). Larsson examines the state of the country’s gender relations and brings to light such issues like violence against women ( often brutal violence) , discrimination against sex workers, gender equity in the workplace, child abuse and molestation, rape, sex trafficking, and the stigmatization of female rape victims worldwide.

Stieg Larsson’s 4th manuscript clouded in mystery [associated press]

“The question about the fourth manuscript is entirely hypothetical,” head of publishing at Norstedts, Eva Gedin, said. “We have never studied this manuscript and therefore don’t know if it exists, how much has been written and if so what shape the manuscript is in.”

The Girl Who Fixed the Umlaut [the new yorker]

But where in Sweden were they? There was no way to know, especially if you’d never been to Sweden. A few chapters ago, for example, an unscrupulous agent from Swedish Intelligence had tailed Blomkvist by taking Stora Essingen and Gröndal into Södermalm, and then driving down Hornsgatan and across Bellmansgatan via Brännkyrkagatan, with a final left onto Tavastgatan. Who cared, but there it was, in black-and-white, taking up space. And now Blomkvist was standing in her doorway. Someone might still be following him—but who? There was no real way to be sure even when you found out, because people’s names were so confusingly similar—Gullberg, Sandberg, and Holmberg; Nieminen and Niedermann; and, worst of all, Jonasson, Mårtensson, Torkelsson, Fredriksson, Svensson, Johansson, Svantesson, Fransson, and Paulsson.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I won’t pay to see Eclipse so we’re going to have to wait awhile before I review the most recent installment in the Twilight saga.  However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been reading about it.  Check out these discussions of the problematic themes of the third film:

Racism in Twilight? [random babble]

All throughout the series we are bombarded w/ an image of beauty as white.  As pale, flawless, sparkling alabaster skin as the image of perfection.  Smeyer’s vampires are all various shades of white, and this is part of their perfect beauty, pallid, nigh transparently pale skin.  It glitters in the sun like diamonds.  It is the epitome of perfect beauty.

Being Native in the Twilight Saga and The Importance of Being Sam and Emily… [random babble]

And knowing the stats of Native women and domestic violence, and knowing that they are shockingly higher than other minority women living in the U.S., devastatingly higher than White women, I wonder how anyone could possibly make this allusion in a book and not see the racist undertones that they had created. How they could not see the triggered memories that they might invoke in some people? Emily’s unquestioning acceptance of Sam’s treatment of her…how it is all OK because he really, really loves her… and how anyone could read this and then accuse me of digging for racist undertones to get upset about.

Twilight, tweens, and abstinence [feministing]

Stephanie Meyer wrote a very thinly disguised book about Mormon dating from a fundamentalist pro-abstinence perspective. Her books normalize gendered violence, present their young female protagonist as unable to think, defend herself, or even be a whole person without a man, and hammer home an abstinence message. And don’t even get me started on the anti-abortion, pro-sexual violence, pro-pedophilia mess that is Breaking Dawn.

I love this stuff.  I hate the films, but I love that they have given us the opportunities to have these discussions.  However, it seems like the Twihards and anti-Twihards are always having separate conversations.  It would be nice to find a way to talk about the problematic themes without simply alienating fans of the film and sending them into defensive mode.  Hmm…

While Stieg Larsson’s literary Girl trilogy has received generally positive reviews, reactions to the Swedish film have been mixed.  Having finished the first and second books, and now having viewed the film, I feel ready to throw my two-cents out there.  But first, the disclaimer-y stuff: There are certain to be spoilers, but I’ll try to keep it to book one and the film.  Also, be aware (if you aren’t already) this series contains graphic depictions of violence against women and sexual assault.

I’ll start with my summary and conclusion in case you’re using this to determine whether or not to read the series or watch the film:

If you’re the kind of person who likes psychological thrillers, non-slasher horror films, and murder-mystery style suspense, you’ll probably like this series.  If you like those types of things AND choose to view the themes of the series through a feminist lens, you may well be impressed.  But if you can’t handle violent films on the principle of the matter, this film will overload your system.  If you can’t handle violent films AND choose to view the themes of the series through a feminist lens, you’ll probably be pissed.  And revolted.

Let’s take a look at the first installment in the series. Read the rest of this entry »

Living in the west means that ignoring SB1070 is impossible, and also that I am living in a bubble where I assume that all people are following it’s progress as closely as I am.  As a privileged white woman, I am not following it as closely as many out here.  Regardless of where you live, the color of your skin, your level of privilege, and whether or not you think you know anyone that could be affected by this law, you should be paying attention.  I should be paying more attention.  Because this law, and laws like it that are in the works in other states, effects everyone, and often in ways that the privileged don’t think about.

Arizona Immigration Law Is An Attack On All Women [jezebel]

And SB 1070 actually increases the threat to women facing domestic violence or sexual assault. Why would a woman call the police to report a crime, why would she ask the police to come to her home, when the first thing they’re going to do is demand her citizenship documentation or that of her family members? This law is a boon for those who would threaten and abuse wives, girlfriends, partners and other women.

Arizona’s Immigration Law and its Effect on Education [equality 101]

The bottom line is this: By taking teachers with varying backgrounds out of public school systems and by further refusing to educate students about the cultures that make America the great country it is supposed to be, we are doing our students an immense disservice.  And this isn’t just contained to Arizona.  What happens, then, when these students graduate and take jobs in other parts of the nation or other parts of the world?

Utah Legislator Stephen Sandstrom to draft illegal immigration bill like Arizona’s SB 1070 [examiner]

The bill would require Utah’s law enforcement officers to ask for proof of citizenship if they had reason to believe an individual was in the state illegally. It would also punish business owners who hire illegal immigrants.

When told the bill is racist:

Sandstrom disagrees, saying that the bill will prohibit racial profiling. “Illegal is not a race, it’s a condition so it has nothing to do with your race,” he said.

Get involved.  Read up on this law and its implications.  Tell your friends.  Talk about why this matters and why we need to stop it.  At the very least, you can sign this petition from the ACLU to tell your state representatives and governor that this law is unacceptable, and send your message to the White House here.

Between her portrayal of Det. Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU and her own humanitarian work on the behalf of survivors of rape and domestic violence, Mariska Hargitay is consistently rocking my world.

“They [untested rape kits] must all be tested. We are consciously letting criminals walk again.”

Transcript at cbs.com.

Here’s a little more from Eve Ensler, on how the world fears girls because of their strength.

Ahh football.  I would say that football and I are like cats and dogs, but I have seen cats and dogs snuggle.  I would say that football and I are like oil and water, but oil and water are both ingredients in making sweet, sweet cupcakes.  There is no love between me and football, there are no good feelings, there are no snuggles, and there are no cupcakes.  Guys like this certainly don’t help.

Crowd Taunts Roethlisberger With “She Said No!” Chant During NFL Draft [mediaite]

Yeah, that pretty much says it all for this one.

Despite Rape Accusations, Nike Stands By Its Man [Jezebel]

Roethlisberger was accused of raping a woman in Lake Tahoe last summer. He denied the accusation and no criminal charges were filed, but now a 20-year-old college student has alleged that he encouraged her and her friends to take shots at a Milledgeville, Ga. bar, then had his bodyguard “escort” her into a hallway, whereupon Roethlisberger raped her.

4 Ways The Cops Screwed Up The Roethlisberger Case [Jezebel]

A friend of the victim says [Sgt.] Blash told her, “You can file a statement but this man has a lot of money and good attorneys.” When the victim asked “whether she should just forget she was raped and not file charges,” Blash reportedly “became defensive [...] accusing the alleged victim of trying to put words in his mouth.”

After the victim made her accusation, Blash immediately notified Roethlisberger and his “associates.” One associate says Blash announced: “We have a problem, this drunken [expletive], drunk off her ass, is accusing Ben of rape.”

Former Steeler charged with domestic abuse [UPI]

Former Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Mike Tomczak has been charged with assaulting his wife at their home in Bell Acres, Pa., police said.

In looking for an image to go with the links I posted on sexual assault earlier this week, I came upon these posters.  They are from 2007 class project, and as far as I can tell the campaign no longer exists (you can check out the original link here).  I don’t doubt that the motives here were well-intentioned, but I think that the posters that the students developed are a prime example of how we talk about sexual assault, rape, and domestic violence in our culture.

Myth #1: Rape doesn’t count unless she was a virgin

This poster says “No one has the right to take it by force.”  Reasonably and appropriately, “it” means sex.  However, the imagery here of a bruised and wounded cherry doesn’t imply “it” as sex – cherries are a notorious symbol of virginity.  The poster essentially says “No one has the right to take [your virginity] by force.”  The truth is that no one has the right to demand or force sexual contact ever, regardless of virginity or purity or anything.  Whether a woman* has had sex before or not, even whether she has had sex with the partner demanding sex or not, does not negate her right to say no at any time, for any reason.  Rape and sexual assault have nothing to do with “cherries.”

Truth #1: No one has the right to force sexual contact, under any circumstances

Myth #2: Victims of sexual assault are irreparably damaged

As a graduate student in the field of psychology, I would be about the last person to say that survivors shouldn’t seek help.  However, the image of a shattered plate that needs someone to piece it back together is not a very flattering metaphor for survivors of sexual assault.  Even the use of the word “survivor” rather than “victim” begins to return power and control to the individual.  Survivors need to regain a sense of strength.  The fact of the matter is that no matter what happened, she survived. In fact, many in the field of psychology have begun taking strength based approaches to working with clients, allowing the individual to “own” their own change and recovery.  This is especially important for survivors of rape and abuse.

Truth #2: Survivors have more strength than they know

Myth #3: You need to talk about it to get better.  Now.

Again, I would be the last person to say that assault survivors don’t need help.  However, there are not rules about these things.  Remember that tip above about the survivor taking her power back?  Shaming survivors into seeking services is counterproductive.  First of all, as with any other type of recovery or change, there is nothing that the people around someone (friends, family, therapists) can do if that individual isn’t ready for change to happen.  Many people do find that talking about what happened has a healing effect – but that talking needs to happen on her time frame, not yours.  The best thing that you can do is let her know you’ll be there when she’s ready.

Truth #3: She’ll talk when she’s ready.  Be there, but don’t be forceful.

Myth #4: Victims are too busy defending their abusers to face the facts

This is quite possibly the most victim-blamey poster of them all (although you could probably make a strong argument for each of them to win that prize).  This poster essentially says “We can see you’re messed up, quit making excuses.”  There are lists a mile long of reasons that women stay in abusive relationships, and many of the reasons are understandable.  Just like any other decision one must make, there is a cost-benefit ratio that must be considered, and leaving is much harder than it sounds.  Defending one’s abuser and/or minimizing the abuse are just two of many psychological self-defense mechanisms that may be involved.  Rather than blaming women who stay, we should work towards making it easier for them to leave.

Truth #4: Leaving isn’t easy, and survivors need support to get out of an abusive relationship

*For the purposes of simplicity I’ve used female pronouns throughout this post, but another common myth is that only women can be assaulted.  Men may also be survivors of sexual abuse, assault, rape, and domestic violence and are less likely to come forward for help due to cultural attitudes about “masculinity” and “victimhood.”  Although the post uses female terms, all of these points also apply to males.

I hope that seeing these posters in a new light helps you understand how deeply ingrained our stereotypes about sexual assault victims are – even when trying to help we might imply these blaming, shaming messages.  Think critically about the language and imagery we use in day to day life (whether it be talking about sexual assault only when it happens to “nice girls” or using the word “rape” casually ex. “That test raped me!”).  Be aware of these myths and truths, and educate the people around you when they fall into those traps, too.