feministhemes.com

I’m going to put it right out there – I don’t care about sports. When they (okay, more like their cultural followings) aren’t irritating and enraging me, they are just plain boring me. I didn’t watch a minute of the Olympics (but, like my qualms about the SuperBowl, my qualms about the Olympics are fodder for another post). However, the interwebs inform me that I have been missing out on Johnny Weir, a fantastic, controversial, sh*t stirring figure skater who is threatening the masculinity of male professional athletes, commentators, and spectators everywhere. Also, he reminds people of Lady Gaga (another recent pop figure to make everyone feel uncomfortable about sexuality). Apparently that’s funny.

Of course, Johnny Weir is actually friends with Lady Gaga, so he’s probably not too offended here.  He also has a sweet exhibition routine to Poker Face.  But I wouldn’t expect these late night talk show guys to know much of anything about figure skating outside of the Olympics, Lady Gaga, or what is cool anyway.

From Feministing:

You can understand why Johnny Weir makes commentators, even figure skating commentators, so very uncomfortable. He’s an especially elegant skater who wears formfitting and sparkly costumes (yes, even more formfitting and more sparkly than one usually sees in figure skating) and who really emotes on the ice.

How sad is it that this is undeniably true?  Johnny is clearly comfortable with his sexuality, stating “I don’t feel the need to express my sexual being because it’s not part of my sport and it’s private. I can sleep with whomever I choose and it doesn’t affect what I’m doing on the ice, so speculation is speculation.”  The fact that he is not a typical heterosexual male and that he won’t give nervous and bigoted people the excuse to write him off as gay means that he can’t be neatly compartmentalized, and that means he might be like them – or worse, they might be like him.

From Bitch:

In response to two Quebecois commentators who spoke derogatorily of Weir and said he should take a gender test, Weir responded by issuing an awesome statement that touched on identity, free speech, life in the public eye, and the changing acceptance of gender.

You can find the whole clip of Weir’s statement at the Bitch post.  Some highlights from his response: “I’m not somebody to cry about something or to feel weak about something. I felt very defiant when I saw these comments. I felt that it wasn’t… these two men criticizing my skating, it wasn’t them criticizing my… anything. It was them criticizing me as a person. And that was something that really frankly pissed me off more than anything. So I felt like I had to make a comment and statement that I hope more kids cans grow up the same way that I did. That more kids feel the freedom that I feel to be themselves and to express themselves.”

Also, this:  “I think masculinity is what you believe it to be. To me, masculinity…it’s all my perception. And I think I think masculinity and femininity is something that’s very old fashioned. There’s a whole new generation of people that aren’t defined by their sex or their race or who they like to sleep with. I think as a person you know what your values are and what you believe in and that’s the most important things.”

Right on, dude.  We need more Weirs and Gagas in the world.  Maybe 25 years from now gender roles will be nostalgic and obsolete, and we can see all people for who they are instead of where they fall on the masculinity/femininity spectrum and how well that does or does not align with their physiology and sexuality.  I think Weir and Gaga are just ahead of the times.

“I think it’s important for somebody from a big, commercial movie series like ‘Harry Potter’ and particularly because I am not gay or bisexual or transgendered. … The fact that I am straight makes not a difference, but it shows that straight people are incredibly interested and care a lot about this as well.”

- Daniel Radcliffe

Radcliff on why it was important to him to film a PSA for The Trevor Project.  From NY Daily News via Jezebel.

“Not only would I not get married until everyone else can, I kind of am starting to get appalled by anybody who would get married in this day and age. Anyone who considers themselves for equal rights — to get married right now, seems very odd to me.”

- Sarah Silverman

From CNN via Jezebel.

This post is a soapbox, but bear with me.  I didn’t hide it behind a cut because it’s not something that I feel like I should hide behind a cut, in my mind, my life, or my blog.  I beseech you to stick with it, it was an important experience for me.

Yesterday I gave a lecture on sex to 250 college students at a college that is 80% LDS (Latter Day Saints aka Mormon).  Then I gave it again to another 250 students.  The night before my lecture I did some feminist reading to pump myself up.  This was apparently a bad idea, as I proceeded to pass the night restlessly, having nightmares about my lecture turning into a riot over abortion.  The class wouldn’t listen to me, and parents of kids from my high school youth group harassed and condemned me.  Whoa.

The lecture itself went fine (both times).  About two thirds of the students attended, and probably only 8-10 got up and left in the midst of the lecture (less than when I gave the same lecture last semester).  A handful stayed after each period, some to challenge what I had said (which is both fair and welcome), and others to shake my hand and thank me for discussing what is here a very (very) taboo subject.

The lecture begins with myths and truths about sexual motivation factors, such as hormones, drugs and alcohol, erotic materials (porn!), attraction to partner, cultural values and meaning, and evolutionary perspectives.  Part two of the lecture targets sex crimes: the differences between sexual assault (umbrella term for many sexual offenses) and rape (specific form of sexual assault).  I discuss prevalence rates, stats about the relationships between victims and rapists (stranger rape vs. date rape, acquaintance rape, marital rape, etc.).  I emphasize that rape is about power and control and their arousing properties, not sexual desire, citing the example that in this state the youngest reported rape victim is 2 months old, the oldest 94 years.  I discuss how to help a survivor, what to say, what not to say, and list campus and community resources.  Then shit hits the fan.

Some people leave when I bring up porn.  Some people leave when I indicate that rape is not a rare crime.  But the real exodus begins when we start discussing sexual orientation as a spectrum rather than a binary system.  I discuss the differences between biological/physical sex and gender identity.  I discuss the differences between sexual identification and sexual orientation or attraction.  I discuss how these constructs don’t always “match.”  Then we experiment with the Kinsey scale, discussing the possible 0-6 ratings of a series of individuals in vignettes (including research findings that suggest greater arousal to gay porn in homophobic versus nonhomophobic straight men – another exodus from the classroom) to illustrate the point that fitting people into boxes isn’t as easy or effective as we’d like.  Next, I ask students to generate a list of factors that they consider to be involved in determining sexual orientation.  What makes someone gay?  What makes someone straight?  I don’t ask students to discuss these ideas out loud, because things get wildly out of hand when this occurs.  Instead, I discuss the evidence for and against elements like environmental, biological, and cultural factors.  I conclude that these research findings suggest that “reparitive therapy” – attempts to cure someone of same sex attraction – is not possible, and does more harm than good: a stance that is supported by numerous professional associations including the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, and National Association of Social Workers.

Is it a perfect lecture?  Certainly not, and I’d give just about anything for the department to let me teach the sex and gender class (which is offered only once every-other year).  But its worth it.  Terrifying at times, but worth it.  And once I’m up there talking about sex, sharing new perspectives, and shaking up taboos I love it.  I love the students that stay after to ask more questions respectfully.  I love the students that shake my hand and thank me for introducing and briefly discussing rape and GLBTQ issues respectfully.  I love that I can create an atmosphere for 50 minutes in which students can feel safe.

But yesterday there was a moment that I didn’t feel safe.  Between the two lectures an older gentleman in the second section approached me about what he heard during the tail end of the first lecture.

“So this is a lecture about being gay, then,” he said.

“Actually, it’s about sexual drives -” I began.

Dude: “Are you gay?”

Me: “- sexual motivations -”

Dude: “Are you gay?”

Me: ” – sex crimes -”

Dude:  “Are you gay?”

Me:  “Will you let me tell you what the lecture is about?”

Dude:  “Will you answer my question?”

By this time other students were trying to get the guy to back off.  “Why does it matter?” they kept asking him.  I held my own – I explained what the lecture was about, that the professor had asked me to present on these topics (Dude: “This is not in the syllabus, you know that?  This is not in the course description,” repeat x10), and that he was not by any means required to stay.  He kept asking if I was gay.  He wanted to know my “angle.”  I wish I had said “Sir, would you feel comfortable answering that question with such interrogation?”  I wish I had said “Sir, can you explain to me how that is relevant?”  Instead I said “I’m currently in a committed relationship -” he has a knowing and disapproving look on his face “-with a male.”  Commence eyes bugging out of said dude’s head.  I continued, “I have never been in a relationship with a woman, but I see no problems with that.”

He concluded that I was an “advocate” (apparently that’s a bad thing?) and proceeded to inform me that this information is not in the textbook (it is) and won’t be on the test (it may) and is not outlined in the syllabus (neither is classical conditioning, Freudian theory, or a multitude of other specific Psych 101 topics), and that he would be leaving.  I thanked him (and thanked god that that was over and I wouldn’t have to put up with him through the next 50 minutes).

Students thanked me after class for this and apologized for their classmate.  I was happy to face off with him – defending my sexual orientation or my beliefs about sexual orientation is something that I rarely have to do and a burden that I will gladly bear when I can in the hopes that others might not have to, even for five minutes.

Was is as bad as my nightmare?  No, it was fabulous.  It was empowering.  It was inspiring.  But it sucktd that that could happen.  It sucks to be bullied by a student.  It sucks to face off with hatred, because it sucks that that kind of hatred exists.

“I’m not a poster child for gay rights by any means. But I have so many gay and lesbian friends
and they’re just so pure and so true. That’s not politics to me. That’s human rights.”

- Dolly Parton

From Times Online via Jezebel.

A number of hopeful stories in the news this week:

Human Rights Campaign Announces Comprehensive Campaign to End Failed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Law
From HRC:

“The Commander in Chief sent a clear message tonight that in a time of war, what matters is that our men and women get the job done – not whether they’re gay or straight,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “Our ‘Voices of Honor’ campaign will bring about much needed action to end this law that the vast majority of Americans oppose.”

Research Shows Two Gay Parents Are Better Than A Single Straight One
From io9, Full scientific article available via Journal of Marriage And Family.

Anti-gay marriage activists have argued vigorously that children need a mother and father. Now a new research study shows that kids do need two parents — but that gender doesn’t matter… finding that it’s ideal if a child is raised by two parents who are “responsible, committed, stable,” but that the gender doesn’t cause radical differences.

Florida allows third gay adoption
From UPI.com via Jezebel.

A Florida judge allowed a lesbian to adopt a child while an appeals court decides whether the state’s ban on gay adoptions is unconstitutional, records show.

Huge LGBT Family Law Victory in PA
From Feminist Law Professors via Jezebel.

For some time now, the Pennsylvania courts have been relatively good at handling legal issues involving lesbian and gay families. For example, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court has interpreted state adoption law to permit second-parent adoptions, and it has applied the in loco parentis doctrine to allow a former same-sex partner with no legal connection (e.g., through birth or adoption) to a child of the relationship to nonetheless obtain custody or visitation.

This is all great news, and shows that even though a lot of battles haven’t gone so well, some are still being won.  The war to extend equal rights to all U.S. citizens rages on.

Keep fighting the good fight, everyone.

Diablo Cody has done it again, folks.  The United States of Tara is complex, smart, progressive, and entertaining, and well worth your time.  The show is about a suburban family coping with the typical stresses of work, school, and relationships with a twist: Mom’s got four personalities.

Tara’s persona’s aren’t the most accurate representation of mental illness, although they do manage to use accurate terms: Dissociative Identity Disorder rather than Multiple Personality Disorder – something that Tara regularly has to correct others on.  Instead, her persona’s illustrate the various stereotyped roles women navigate – T, the wild, rebellious, and promiscuous teenager; Alice, the overly-sweet but passive-aggressive 50’s housewife; Buck, the grungy, rough and tough masculine side; and Tara herself who is trying to live a “normal” modern life with her husband and two children while coping with a buried childhood trauma that led to the development of these personas.  As Tara gets closer to that lost memory a fourth alter arises: Gimme, the animalistic child.

But the show isn’t just about Tara.  It’s about family.  Read the rest of this entry »

Wait, what?

So we already know that Meghan McCain, daughter of Senator John McCain, is a rebellious republican who supports gay marriage, but now his wife, Cindy McCain, is speaking out as well.  From the No H8 campaign:

Aligning yourself with the platform of gay marriage as a Republican still tends to be very stigmatic, but Cindy McCain wanted to participate in the campaign to show people that party doesn’t matter – marriage equality isn’t a Republican issue any more than it is a Democratic issue. It’s about human rights, and everybody being treated equally in the eyes of the law that runs and protects this country.

File this under “Things that make you go ‘hmm…’” – but in a good way.

Shoutouts to feministing for this one!

Today’s installment of Sick Sad World comes to us via Sociological Images.  Once again, I encourage you to check out Human Rights Campaign, Courage Campaign, or any other group that advocates the extension of marital rights to all citizens if what you see isn’t what you’d like to.  If you are involved in other groups with similar goals, please feel free to list them in the comments!

Somehow gay marriage became a threat. And, by 2004, many states had passed resolutions making it illegal. Note that they needed to do so specifically because the possibility of legal gay marriage had gained support for the first time in (recent?) U.S. history. This was, essentially, a backlash against gay marriage that proved that pro-gay marriage initiatives were gaining ground, even as states moved to counter them.

Sociological Images rules.  Hatred and discrimination shouldn’t.

I pretty much have no words for this, but if you are as outraged, disgusted, and pissed off as I am about it, you can get involved with national groups and local chapters of groups like the Human Rights Campaign and the Courage Campaign.

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From The High Definite via Feministing.

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