feministhemes.com

In looking for an image to go with the links I posted on sexual assault earlier this week, I came upon these posters.  They are from 2007 class project, and as far as I can tell the campaign no longer exists (you can check out the original link here).  I don’t doubt that the motives here were well-intentioned, but I think that the posters that the students developed are a prime example of how we talk about sexual assault, rape, and domestic violence in our culture.

Myth #1: Rape doesn’t count unless she was a virgin

This poster says “No one has the right to take it by force.”  Reasonably and appropriately, “it” means sex.  However, the imagery here of a bruised and wounded cherry doesn’t imply “it” as sex – cherries are a notorious symbol of virginity.  The poster essentially says “No one has the right to take [your virginity] by force.”  The truth is that no one has the right to demand or force sexual contact ever, regardless of virginity or purity or anything.  Whether a woman* has had sex before or not, even whether she has had sex with the partner demanding sex or not, does not negate her right to say no at any time, for any reason.  Rape and sexual assault have nothing to do with “cherries.”

Truth #1: No one has the right to force sexual contact, under any circumstances

Myth #2: Victims of sexual assault are irreparably damaged

As a graduate student in the field of psychology, I would be about the last person to say that survivors shouldn’t seek help.  However, the image of a shattered plate that needs someone to piece it back together is not a very flattering metaphor for survivors of sexual assault.  Even the use of the word “survivor” rather than “victim” begins to return power and control to the individual.  Survivors need to regain a sense of strength.  The fact of the matter is that no matter what happened, she survived. In fact, many in the field of psychology have begun taking strength based approaches to working with clients, allowing the individual to “own” their own change and recovery.  This is especially important for survivors of rape and abuse.

Truth #2: Survivors have more strength than they know

Myth #3: You need to talk about it to get better.  Now.

Again, I would be the last person to say that assault survivors don’t need help.  However, there are not rules about these things.  Remember that tip above about the survivor taking her power back?  Shaming survivors into seeking services is counterproductive.  First of all, as with any other type of recovery or change, there is nothing that the people around someone (friends, family, therapists) can do if that individual isn’t ready for change to happen.  Many people do find that talking about what happened has a healing effect – but that talking needs to happen on her time frame, not yours.  The best thing that you can do is let her know you’ll be there when she’s ready.

Truth #3: She’ll talk when she’s ready.  Be there, but don’t be forceful.

Myth #4: Victims are too busy defending their abusers to face the facts

This is quite possibly the most victim-blamey poster of them all (although you could probably make a strong argument for each of them to win that prize).  This poster essentially says “We can see you’re messed up, quit making excuses.”  There are lists a mile long of reasons that women stay in abusive relationships, and many of the reasons are understandable.  Just like any other decision one must make, there is a cost-benefit ratio that must be considered, and leaving is much harder than it sounds.  Defending one’s abuser and/or minimizing the abuse are just two of many psychological self-defense mechanisms that may be involved.  Rather than blaming women who stay, we should work towards making it easier for them to leave.

Truth #4: Leaving isn’t easy, and survivors need support to get out of an abusive relationship

*For the purposes of simplicity I’ve used female pronouns throughout this post, but another common myth is that only women can be assaulted.  Men may also be survivors of sexual abuse, assault, rape, and domestic violence and are less likely to come forward for help due to cultural attitudes about “masculinity” and “victimhood.”  Although the post uses female terms, all of these points also apply to males.

I hope that seeing these posters in a new light helps you understand how deeply ingrained our stereotypes about sexual assault victims are – even when trying to help we might imply these blaming, shaming messages.  Think critically about the language and imagery we use in day to day life (whether it be talking about sexual assault only when it happens to “nice girls” or using the word “rape” casually ex. “That test raped me!”).  Be aware of these myths and truths, and educate the people around you when they fall into those traps, too.

A friend of mine has been keeping me up to my ears in links, and they’re of quality material so I figured, why not share the wealth?  However, all of this information can be pretty overwhelming, so what can you do?  First, share this information with other people in your lives – and not just the feminists: we know this and how important it is, so pass it on to someone who might not otherwise be thinking about these issues, too.  Secondly, get involved. College campuses usually have student advocacy groups, and communities often have sexual assault and domestic violence shelters that can always use free help.  You can volunteer as a crisis call advocate or get involved in educating the community about rape, sexual assault, domestic violence, and healthy relationships.  You can also contact your local congresspeople and senators and advocate for more attention to be paid to the rape culture that extends to the military.  But most importantly, don’t forget about this a few days after you read the articles.  Empower yourself and others by facing the facts and working towards change.

56% believe some rape victims partly to blame for attack [the independent]

Dr Jan Welch, clinical director at the Haven in Camberwell, south-east London, said: “Unfortunately, women have bought into the idea that sometimes the rape victim is to blame. Under no circumstances is a woman at fault for being raped.  Coping with the emotional trauma of rape or sexual assault is made even harder when the victim is made to feel responsible for what’s happened.”

Violence against women is justified, says pupil study [bbc news]

A study of schoolchildren has found that most of those questioned thought violence towards women was acceptable if there was a reason behind it.  The majority of the pupils said it was justified if the woman had an affair, or if she was late in making the tea.

Myths That Make It Hard To Stop Campus Rape [NPR]

What Lisak found was that students who commit rape on a college campus are pretty much like those rapists in prison. In both groups, many are serial rapists. On college campuses, repeat predators account for 9 out of every 10 rapes.

Women at war: How roles are changing [bbc news]

“You’re supposed to carry your weapon at all times in a combat zone,” she said.  “But I put my weapon down and walked away to smoke a cigarette and that was when I was attacked.”  She was then dragged behind some power generators and raped.  “If I had kept my weapon maybe I would have been able to prevent it,” she says.  “But if I had used it I would probably have ended up in jail.”

This post is a soapbox, but bear with me.  I didn’t hide it behind a cut because it’s not something that I feel like I should hide behind a cut, in my mind, my life, or my blog.  I beseech you to stick with it, it was an important experience for me.

Yesterday I gave a lecture on sex to 250 college students at a college that is 80% LDS (Latter Day Saints aka Mormon).  Then I gave it again to another 250 students.  The night before my lecture I did some feminist reading to pump myself up.  This was apparently a bad idea, as I proceeded to pass the night restlessly, having nightmares about my lecture turning into a riot over abortion.  The class wouldn’t listen to me, and parents of kids from my high school youth group harassed and condemned me.  Whoa.

The lecture itself went fine (both times).  About two thirds of the students attended, and probably only 8-10 got up and left in the midst of the lecture (less than when I gave the same lecture last semester).  A handful stayed after each period, some to challenge what I had said (which is both fair and welcome), and others to shake my hand and thank me for discussing what is here a very (very) taboo subject.

The lecture begins with myths and truths about sexual motivation factors, such as hormones, drugs and alcohol, erotic materials (porn!), attraction to partner, cultural values and meaning, and evolutionary perspectives.  Part two of the lecture targets sex crimes: the differences between sexual assault (umbrella term for many sexual offenses) and rape (specific form of sexual assault).  I discuss prevalence rates, stats about the relationships between victims and rapists (stranger rape vs. date rape, acquaintance rape, marital rape, etc.).  I emphasize that rape is about power and control and their arousing properties, not sexual desire, citing the example that in this state the youngest reported rape victim is 2 months old, the oldest 94 years.  I discuss how to help a survivor, what to say, what not to say, and list campus and community resources.  Then shit hits the fan.

Some people leave when I bring up porn.  Some people leave when I indicate that rape is not a rare crime.  But the real exodus begins when we start discussing sexual orientation as a spectrum rather than a binary system.  I discuss the differences between biological/physical sex and gender identity.  I discuss the differences between sexual identification and sexual orientation or attraction.  I discuss how these constructs don’t always “match.”  Then we experiment with the Kinsey scale, discussing the possible 0-6 ratings of a series of individuals in vignettes (including research findings that suggest greater arousal to gay porn in homophobic versus nonhomophobic straight men – another exodus from the classroom) to illustrate the point that fitting people into boxes isn’t as easy or effective as we’d like.  Next, I ask students to generate a list of factors that they consider to be involved in determining sexual orientation.  What makes someone gay?  What makes someone straight?  I don’t ask students to discuss these ideas out loud, because things get wildly out of hand when this occurs.  Instead, I discuss the evidence for and against elements like environmental, biological, and cultural factors.  I conclude that these research findings suggest that “reparitive therapy” – attempts to cure someone of same sex attraction – is not possible, and does more harm than good: a stance that is supported by numerous professional associations including the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, and National Association of Social Workers.

Is it a perfect lecture?  Certainly not, and I’d give just about anything for the department to let me teach the sex and gender class (which is offered only once every-other year).  But its worth it.  Terrifying at times, but worth it.  And once I’m up there talking about sex, sharing new perspectives, and shaking up taboos I love it.  I love the students that stay after to ask more questions respectfully.  I love the students that shake my hand and thank me for introducing and briefly discussing rape and GLBTQ issues respectfully.  I love that I can create an atmosphere for 50 minutes in which students can feel safe.

But yesterday there was a moment that I didn’t feel safe.  Between the two lectures an older gentleman in the second section approached me about what he heard during the tail end of the first lecture.

“So this is a lecture about being gay, then,” he said.

“Actually, it’s about sexual drives -” I began.

Dude: “Are you gay?”

Me: “- sexual motivations -”

Dude: “Are you gay?”

Me: ” – sex crimes -”

Dude:  “Are you gay?”

Me:  “Will you let me tell you what the lecture is about?”

Dude:  “Will you answer my question?”

By this time other students were trying to get the guy to back off.  “Why does it matter?” they kept asking him.  I held my own – I explained what the lecture was about, that the professor had asked me to present on these topics (Dude: “This is not in the syllabus, you know that?  This is not in the course description,” repeat x10), and that he was not by any means required to stay.  He kept asking if I was gay.  He wanted to know my “angle.”  I wish I had said “Sir, would you feel comfortable answering that question with such interrogation?”  I wish I had said “Sir, can you explain to me how that is relevant?”  Instead I said “I’m currently in a committed relationship -” he has a knowing and disapproving look on his face “-with a male.”  Commence eyes bugging out of said dude’s head.  I continued, “I have never been in a relationship with a woman, but I see no problems with that.”

He concluded that I was an “advocate” (apparently that’s a bad thing?) and proceeded to inform me that this information is not in the textbook (it is) and won’t be on the test (it may) and is not outlined in the syllabus (neither is classical conditioning, Freudian theory, or a multitude of other specific Psych 101 topics), and that he would be leaving.  I thanked him (and thanked god that that was over and I wouldn’t have to put up with him through the next 50 minutes).

Students thanked me after class for this and apologized for their classmate.  I was happy to face off with him – defending my sexual orientation or my beliefs about sexual orientation is something that I rarely have to do and a burden that I will gladly bear when I can in the hopes that others might not have to, even for five minutes.

Was is as bad as my nightmare?  No, it was fabulous.  It was empowering.  It was inspiring.  But it sucktd that that could happen.  It sucks to be bullied by a student.  It sucks to face off with hatred, because it sucks that that kind of hatred exists.

Released in 1999, I had never seen The Cider House Rules until a few weeks ago.  I’m not usually into period pieces or Tobey Maguire, so I didn’t expect much.  However, there were some powerful lines about the importance of a woman’s right to choose and to have safe medical treatments available to her once she’s made her choice.  Furthermore, there were some powerful examples of times that removing that choice is truly cruel, regardless of your political beliefs on the matter.

The Cider House Rules is the story of Homer, an orphan boy who never made it out of the orphanage, and has been trained as a doctor by his mentor and father figure, Dr. Larch, who runs the orphanage.  In addition to delivering the babies of women giving their children up for adoption, Dr. Larch offers safe medical abortions to any woman who asks for it.  He doesn’t advertise this service (as it is illegal), and he doesn’t suggest it to women no matter how many times he’s delivered their unwanted babies, but he won’t turn away a woman in need.  When Homer accuses him of playing God in this way, Dr. Larch responds:

Dr. Larch: I have been given the opportunity of playing God or leaving practically everything up to chance. Men and women of conscience should seize those moments when it’s possible to play God. There won’t be many. Do I interfere when absolutely helpless women tell me they simply can’t have an abortion – that they simply must go through with having another and yet another orphan? I do not. I do not even recommend. I just give them what they want.

Read the rest of this entry »

Law & Order: SVU has quickly become my newest obsession (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Thank you Netflix Instant queue! – I should get paid for this), and I have been thrilled to learn that actress Mariska Hargitay is every bit as awesome as her character, Detective Olivia Benson, who could probably fill a 10 Reasons of her own.

1. She’s got her head on straight when it comes to body image:

“I’m a size 8, and I feel proud of that because it’s healthy.  I’ve never felt compelled to be a skinny actress.  I think I’m a very attractive person, but that’s not where I get my esteem.  A guy at ABC told me to change my name and get a nose job.  I said, ‘You get a nose job.’”

2. Although SVU is often challenging, it has inspired her.

“It’s opened my eyes to the plight of victims. And helped me find new ways to make a difference in the world. Without SVU, I would’ve never started the Joyful Heart Foundation.”

3. Yeah, about that Joyful Heart thing…

“I used to call myself the “accidental activist.”  No more.  I have fully engaged in this mission.  It is part of my path, one of the reasons I am here.”

4. She is proud of her character.

“I thought the character was extremely complex and would be a challenge for me as an actor. The second I read the script, I was drawn to Olivia’s strength, passion, humanity, and her desire for change. But what most intrigued me was her past and how she could use it to help others face theirs.”

Click here for 6 more reasons to love Mariska

Dollhouse is coming to an end, sooner than I’m ready to see it go.  The show has been controversial – some love it for (among other reasons) subversively integrating messages about the dangers of human trafficking, while others loathe it for (among other reasons) not addressing these issues directly enough.   Whichever argument you lean towards, Not A Doll is using the show to provide more information about the truth about human trafficking today.  According to the FAQ:

While the site was inspired by the TV series Dollhouse, it is in fact about the very real issues of human trafficking, poverty, oppression against women and children, the loss of self, and the negation of human rights. These are all issues that Dollhouse touches upon and as its audience, we have been compelled to attract greater attention to these very real monsters and find ways to combat them here and now.

I’ve only begun to explore the site, but am sure to miss Dollhouse.  Whether it incites you to get involved in organizations through donations of time or money, dialogue with others in your life, or just educate yourself about these issues, I appreciate that (at least for a while) Dollhouse, its creators, and its fans were willing to take a peek into the dark recesses of humanity.  Here’s hoping it leads us to make a difference.

Shoutouts to i09!

I’ll admit that I typically don’t give crime shows a fair chance.  Something about horrific crimes as entertainment rubs me the wrong way, and when sex gets rolled into the mix it seems like a recipe for disaster.  But I gave Law & Order: Special Victims Unit it’s chance, and let me tell you – I was pleasantly surprised (thanks Netflix instant queue!).

I still believe strongly that sex and violence are a dangerous cocktail, but SVU handles the topics with class.  The violence, although sexual, is never sexy, and the bad guys are almost always clearly bad (exceptions include child perps and false accusers).  Stranger rape, date rape, marital rape are all treated with equal seriousness (a level of respect we often can’t even expect from our own local news), and more controversial topics such as sexual orientation, sex work, and patient-doctor confidentiality and spousal privilege are handled with care.

Furthermore, the female characters on the show are complex, intelligent, and self-sufficient.  On top of this, their counterparts are possibly the most decent men I’ve seen on television in a long time.  Detectives look out for each other regardless of gender, and there is a sense of camaraderie and caring that has nothing to do with genitalia.  For instance, knowing Detective Benson’s sensitive history with her father (all she knows about him is that he’s the man who raped her mother), Detective Stabler calls out a coworker who made an inappropriate joke about the subject.  He does this discretely and out of a desire to protect his partner, not a poor sensitive woman, and Det. Benson watches Stabler’s back with an equal amount of respect and concern when his buttons are pushed.

Although Det. Benson is still in the minority as a woman detective on the unit, she is quickly replacing Special Agent Dana Scully as my favorite woman in uniform.  She is always the defender of justice, warmly and kindly comforting the victims of the atrocities featured on the show while giving the Ice Queen a run for her money when she gets alone in the room with a perp.  The various ADAs across seasons (nearly always portrayed by women) are equally cool and collected and fantastic at their jobs.

One of the most unique themes that I’ve noticed in watching, however, is the clear and direct condemnation of misogyny.  Many of the perps on the show target women (prostitutes, girlfriends, wives, strangers) because they are women.  One of the ADAs sets out to be the first lawyer to successfully convict a rapist of a hate crime.  The hatred and loathing these criminals (and occasionally cops) have for women illustrate the most vile misogyny that can be imagined – and they way that it is portrayed is as disgusting and loathsome as it really is.

Although there isn’t a great deal of ethnic diversity on the team and no significant address of ablism, the competent women on the show are a breath of fresh air, as are their respectful and admirable coworkers – men as allies in “women’s issues” fights are too sparse on television.  The women are still held to a higher standard as far as the limited variety in body image portrayed and the requirement that they are still able to demonstrate a sensitive and nurturant side that is more acceptably absent in male characters, but I’m willing to argue that Law & Order SVU is a pretty feminist-friendly show.  And with 11 seasons under its belt, I’m impressed that it has been given the chance to put these images and messages out there for so long.

Shoutouts to the post at Bitch blog that addressed this a little while ago.  Follow their (and my) advice and give it chance if you haven’t yet!

Although Rosemary’s Baby is considered a classic horror film by many, and a feminist film by some, I had never given the flick any thought, nor had I seen it before.  Once again, my self-imposed Halloween Movie Marathon gave me the excuse to check out something I otherwise might not have, and particularly with the recent Roman Polanski developments, this seemed like as good a time as any to give it a shot.

Themes of female oppression and patriarchal dominance abound in this film, which was based on the book of the same title by Ira Levin, who also wrote the novel The Stepford Wives.  Although I’ve never had much interest in the Nicole Kidman Stepford Wives remake, after Rosemary’s Baby I’m interested to see the original and some more of Levin’s interpretation of mid 20th century women’s roles. My thoughts on whether or not this is a feminist film after the jump.

After all the hype, coverage, and controversy regarding Teeth around the feminist blogosphere, I had to add this to my marathon list.  I’ll admit, I was worried.  Would it be as scary as I had convinced myself it would be?  Would it be overly gross?  Would there be too much sexual assault?

Whether or not Teeth has been the scariest film I’ve watched for our Halloween Movie Marathon, it has certainly been the most disturbing in many ways.  It made me laugh, it made me cringe, it made my stomach turn, it made me feel empowered, it made me feel angry.  Consider this your warning: Brace yourself for some pretty graphic themes and plenty of spoilers after the jump.

I can remember watching The Craft at sleepovers during 8th and 9th grade, collecting old books on witchcraft (always history books and never spellbooks, much to my adolescent disappointment), and playing with tarot cards and Ouija boards by candlelight.  I’m reminded of Willow’s mom (Buffy shoutouts, yo) brushing off her witchcraft as an “adolescent phase.”  In a lot of ways, I think it fits – the search for empowerment, female power, and sisterhood are all common components of the teen girl experience.

The Craft exemplifies all of these themes, as well as addressing other teen (and generally human) issues such as slut shaming, racism, beauty ideals, domestic violence, and sexual assault.

When Sarah and her father relocate to a new town, she is taken in by three aspiring witches as their fourth – completing the circle and representing all the elements.  While her friends, Nancy, Bonnie and Rochelle, work diligently at their craft, magic comes naturally to Sarah and she is able to bring to fruition the spells that they have been trying to complete.  However, things begin to turn bad, and when Sarah tries to leave the group she is harassed, until she demonstrates her superior power, scaring the other girls off and returning to a seemingly peaceful life. A closer look at the themes listed above after the jump.

« Older Entries